What does all this really mean? What is life trying to teach me? Its been the hardest 3 months of my life and am still counting...Everyday has been a wait, starting with hope and crashing with despair. I am waiting to hear from the university I applied to for the masters program in Belgium. My plan to pursue masters has been around for a couple of years now. Last year I applied to some really competitive unis in the US and as I should have expected, I did not make it through to any of them. A year since, in retrospect I think it was a good thing. But what about this year? I should have made it this year, no? Well I don't want to dismiss my chance without having heard from them. And the truth is, in my heart I believe i have made it. It is just a matter of time before I hear in the affirmative from them.
But this whole thing is silly. I have been consumed by the wait. I cannot think of anything else but this. It is controlling my whole being and I have no power over it. The irony is that I can see that it is really not such a big deal in the whole scheme of life. It is after all a college seat. If not this year then the next or another place. Things will pan out the way they are meant to be. Doesn't everything happen for a reason and for the good, even though I might not be able to see what good it could be to wait another year. How can I allow my life to be controlled by something like that? The problem however is that I know all the theory, but when it comes to applying it practically am falling flat on my face.
Anyway, I think there is a lesson in this for me. A lesson in patience and a test of strength of character during stressful times. Unfortunately, it seems I have failed miserably. Where is that strength that I thought I had. The courage to deal with set backs in life? Is this all am made of?