Why?

I really wonder if all this is worth it… Far from home, loved ones, friends and familiarity, feeling lonely, frustrated and depressed, doing some mediocre work…..What is it worth? At 28, I didn’t exactly expect that my life would turnout like this. I had grander dreams for myself and my life…I should have finished my masters by now where as I still am struggling to get a seat in the college I want to go..And after all these years of work, how did I get into a situation where I have to compromise with the place I want to go study in? Life seemed so much simpler earlier. I somehow managed to get whatever I planned and wanted and in fact more than that. Didn’t have to wait for anything for too long. It’d come. But this time, the wait is breaking me. It’s been the longest three months of my life and still counting. Right now this whole thing is driving me crazy. I am more disappointed by the way am reacting to this whole situation than having to wait. I know am being unreasonable in my behavior. Is this all am made of? So brittle? Where is all my strength? I don’t believe that am faced with the most difficult or unfortunate situation in my life. If I can break so easily by situations like these, then how will I ever face bigger situations, dejection and circumstances in life? It seems that all my grace and dignity have left me. I guess it’s easier to imagine yourself to be a different person, reacting differently to situations, with all the strength, dignity, grace and everything else you fancy. But facing a real situation is different. It is a true test; one that am failing in miserably.

There surely is a purpose to this situation in my life. Otherwise why would it occur at all? May be it’s a lesson in patience that life is trying to teach me or may be a test of my strength of character? ‘Strength of Character’, sounds so hollow at present.

Whatever it is, one thing is for certain. It is time I jolted out of this self-sympathy trip and get a hold on myself. Snap out girl. A moment lost in brooding is a moment lost forever. It’s never going to come back. And all this for what? For something that is absolutely not in your control. There is nothing you can do about it but wait. But the one thing you surely can do is to wait with dignity. Life has a way of sorting itself out. God has a plan for you. Trust in that and get out and live life. The best you can. Because really there is no second chance.